Sunday, December 11, 2016

Having a super Sunday!

After two days being home trying to cure the damn flu that I got since the cold weather started, yesterday and today we went out. We did some shopping, and went to dinner to my mother in law's house.
Today woke up early and we made our lunch wich was roasted pork and patatoes with rice.
After seeing a movie in the sofa we went out to take a warm coffee and an orange juice, but I forgot to taking pictures outside, but I did take some of my outfit, I played a little while I waited for my beloved one so in this photos I don't have a jacket, oh well, this is my first outfit post so...
The sun went out and we went home again, being in bed watching tv and eating cookies. 
Today was a perfect sunday despite the fact that I'm still ill, but better days will came.
Let's hope!

All black! That's my favourite 
and main colour in my closet!

Everyday life

It's almost an year that we moved out from my mother in law house and we started a new chapter together in our house.
It was last December that we move all our things to these apartment.
A little bit has changed in, not very much because we can't afford all the things that we actually want, but with very small steps we have all that we need, for now, to live.
Since last January I've been working on a school in a full-time but it isn't really a job it's just an occupation for unemployed people that our government arrange, so as I said before this is my last month in there, and I've been feeling a little bit down in this past weeks because of that.
I been feeling a lack of ispiration too, and I know that this happens because I have that situation blocking my mind, every time my life gets a bit harder I lose inspiration, and sometimes I lose my positivity too, because I don't know what to do to make things easier or better.
I start to feel anxious and nervous about the future, when I clear tried to teach myself to leave the present, live the moment and let things flow.
The problem is in October that was supposed to be my last month I had a plan since september, but now I don't have anything certain, I talked to a lady about an cleaning job but I've no sure that that's going to happen.
So my mind is fooling me around, because I can't sleep, I don't have appetite, I started to close me up again and all I want is to be home where is safe.
I started to cry a lot more lately and I'm sick with a flu, since the cold wether started.
This has been my mood lately, and I don't want to start all over again. It's been a hell of a ride during this past year, I learned so much about me, I improved so much that I don't want to get down again.
Let's hope!

Thursday, December 8, 2016

Christmas decoration

This year I really wanted to have some Christmas decorations in our house, last year we where moving in so we really didn't think about it but since I'm trying to enjoy every season and every moment, I wanted a bit of christmas around the house. A wanted a tree a little bit bigger than this one and some diferent decoration but has we don't much money to spent, and christmas it only lasts one month I decided to have a little tiny pine tree with some red decorations.
I also have a new addiction to my stuffed animals and I bought a little reindeer with a cozy Santa's hat and a scarf.
So beautiful. 
I added my last year Christmas socks with the snowman's face, to the couch and covered the phone with one.
As the couch it is green I thought that green and red is a very good combination, and it's a classic I guess, in christmas so our tiny green pine tree has red decorations as the rest, the main color is red.

The photos aren't the best quality, I don't have a better equipment to work with, but I hope you enjoy anyway.
This is our living room, we just have the couch, the book shelf and the tiny center table that in reality it's a computer table, but oh well, I play with what I have, and I wait for better days. Sometimes I look for our living room and it's the most empty room in our house, and it is quite spacious and in the other wall we don't have anything but it's waiting for our desks to come and fill that empty space so...yeah!
Just the fact that it's a little bit harder when we actually can buy something new to our appartment , has a sweet taste and everything we own is essential to make a living, so we are very minimalists in fact. And we are happy this way, living one step at a time.

Don't let yourself sink again!

In these long 25 years of life a lot has changed, a lot has been lived, a lot of battles has been fought so now I can be here. I didn't had a easy life since I remember, but I remember being outside of my environment and being an happy child, on my way.
I always had my way of seing things, for a super long time I was naive, with all the bad things surrounding me I always belive in the good, that all people were good, I always saw the world in a childish way, like when child see beauty in everything in a pure way.
That changed a lot, life teach us that life isn't a fairy tale.
A lot has changed in me, my way of thinking, acting, dressing.
Of course that I try not focus much on what is wrong about my life, but I started reacting like this very recently, because during the last six years I've been down, not seeing beauty in anywhere, not seeing light anywhere and I feeded those feelings, for me was a normal way of living, I was depressed and didn't knew how to change, how to value myself and my life for me, just for me, I needed to start living again, being and feeling like a real person, with value, that deserve good things.
I found an half-term, I'm not so naive as I were but I'm not so negative anymore.
In order to not be so emotional and become more rational I lost most of my criativity because of the daily routine, not having much time to slow down a bit, my mind closed a bit, when you feel depressed or down you don't let the energy flow around you because you are focused on problems, how bad your life is, how you want to end everything or run away or simply disapear, you lose your criativity, you lose the good moments, you lose the days, the months, the years, your life, how can you be artistic feeling that way? feeling like you don't deserve anything?! That you're never worth of anything and you've lost already the will of living. That was my way of thinking, until with a lot of battling, I started looking beyond negativity, I didn't do it alone, I have a beautiful person, a generous person, the most worth of everything kind of person, that since I met him, he saw in me what I never have see even today he can somehow see what I never see in myself. Till this day I don't know what I did to deserve his love, but I'm so grateful of that, he is my angel, my love, he is my Life, without him I couldn't life my life, I don't even know how to life without him, he surprises me everyday, we makes me smile everyday even if we argue in that day we gonna laught after all, we try to not beeing angry for a long time. He teach's me so much things about me that I don't even know.
Without him I couldn't be what I am today, it is beacuse of his support that I didn't give up on me, it's because of his love that I feel alive and grateful everyday of my life. 
My creativity has improved a little bit, I started to see beauty again, my word flows more.
I still have bad days, still have bad moments, but I try, really try not to live my life around them, I don't want to sink me all over again.

So this is it, for now.

Sometimes life hits you hard, even if you were already expected that.
After all you try to stay positive but sometimes life happens, things change and you break the positive circle.
Life isn't made just of good moments, we all know that, sometimes we just don't know what to do to change, how to battle to make the life we want to happen.
Other times we don't know how to express our inner self in the outside because we feel one thing inside and we look to ourselfs and doesn't match.
We all struggle with something inside or outside of us, somedays we fall down because it's hard, we get tired of.
We are not made of steel, we are not machines to keep a smile everyday, to think positively every day, every moment, simply doesn't work like that.
It's ok, we are not weak for feeling down for a period of time, our body and mind need to rest, sometimes the best way to cure is to embrace the problem, allow that we think about it to search for a solution.
It won't last forever, we will get back up, stronger, once more.
It's ok not always smile or speak about joy or how beautiful life is.
That still is true, life still's beautiful, life still worth of living, we may be having a bad day or a stronger problem to solve.
All we can't do is giving up...

Monday, December 5, 2016

The last month!

What the new year will bring to me I don't have a single clue.
I have one certain idea and that is, I have to leave my job. 
It wasn't mine actually but I lived it like my own. I put time and my heart seven hours daily, I created affection by those children. Now, this is my last month, I don't know if I'm gonna come back but I know that I don't want to leave. 
I don't have a choise in that so I'm starting looking up for other jobs again.
Who knows what the future can bring, nothing is certain after all and that makes me feel sad, why we can just stay in the place we fit in.
I'm not giving up, I'm trying to see positivity in the situation but I feel like breaking inside.
I can't do nothing about it, I just have to move on, maybe new oportunities come to me, that's my hope, maybe someday I return to do what I like, I return to fill hearts with love like they fill mine.
Now I do know what I like to work in, now I know what my vocation is.
I hate goodbyes but leaving this job is the hardest thing I will do.
It wasn't mine to keep so...maybe when things seem to fall apart they may actually be falling into place.
Let's hope!

Sunday, December 4, 2016

My personal style has changed a lot,in the past years.
I been searching for myself, I had a time I didn't know myself anymore, I've lost my identity and now I found myself again, I've grown in this last year.
And I'm afraid, I'm afraid of losing myself again returning home without a "real" job, without a routine again.
But I love being home, I love to have time to do the things I love. Oh the anxiety!
Let's return to the main subject of this post: my personal style.
In my teens I past the phase of being a hip-hop "star" with my large jeans and my bigs sneakers, most of the time trying to look like a boy.
Being a gothic, with my long black skirts, my black jeans, my black converse.
Then when I started to live by myself I was a hippie/rastafari.
I had dreadlocks, I went to raves it was a funny period of my life.
After that I tried to dress "normal" like all other people, but I wasn't ready for that so I felt very weird in my own skin, I didn't felt like myself at all.
When my life got better I've started buying some clothes that I really liked, I ended having all black again, with doc martens, black boots, not being a gothic or a punk but hanging a bit for that style.
Till now, I introduced some adult clothes in my wardrobe, but most of them are black, in summer I trie to wear more light clothes and that's it.
People ask me if I'm gothic, my response to that is no! I'm me, I don't need to have any specific style, I wear what makes me feel more confortable, most of it is black clothes, I still wear my converse , I want to buy a pair of doc martens.
But I've changed, I've grew up, and  now I want more adult pieces, I'm embracing the minimalist style in to my wardrobe also.
So I want neat pieces but that I feel confortable and me, that's the most important, confort and identity.
I'm in a phase of transition so I do neeed inspiration.
Most of this photos I found in pinterest.

Thursday, December 1, 2016

Hello December!

Goodbye my sweet November.   

We have ahead the last month of the year, the Christmas month,where everything smells like cookies, candies and magic.
It's time to cozy socks and lazy afternoons in the sofa watching movies or reading books.
It's time for a warm tea or a strong coffee to get ready for the cold outside.
This may be the last month that I work with children in that school.
Sometimes the anxiety runs my mind, stopping me from sleep, but I have hope, my life is turning in something that I don't really know what it is, but inside I know that everything will be alright.
December is the last year of the year and I want to enjoy it, I want to look back and count all the victories, all the good moments, all what I've conquer.
I want look ahead and plan what I want to do in the new year that is coming.
Life doesn't stop, better or worse we keep living, so, for now lets just enjoy.