Thursday, December 8, 2016

Don't let yourself sink again!

In these long 25 years of life a lot has changed, a lot has been lived, a lot of battles has been fought so now I can be here. I didn't had a easy life since I remember, but I remember being outside of my environment and being an happy child, on my way.
I always had my way of seing things, for a super long time I was naive, with all the bad things surrounding me I always belive in the good, that all people were good, I always saw the world in a childish way, like when child see beauty in everything in a pure way.
That changed a lot, life teach us that life isn't a fairy tale.
A lot has changed in me, my way of thinking, acting, dressing.
Of course that I try not focus much on what is wrong about my life, but I started reacting like this very recently, because during the last six years I've been down, not seeing beauty in anywhere, not seeing light anywhere and I feeded those feelings, for me was a normal way of living, I was depressed and didn't knew how to change, how to value myself and my life for me, just for me, I needed to start living again, being and feeling like a real person, with value, that deserve good things.
I found an half-term, I'm not so naive as I were but I'm not so negative anymore.
In order to not be so emotional and become more rational I lost most of my criativity because of the daily routine, not having much time to slow down a bit, my mind closed a bit, when you feel depressed or down you don't let the energy flow around you because you are focused on problems, how bad your life is, how you want to end everything or run away or simply disapear, you lose your criativity, you lose the good moments, you lose the days, the months, the years, your life, how can you be artistic feeling that way? feeling like you don't deserve anything?! That you're never worth of anything and you've lost already the will of living. That was my way of thinking, until with a lot of battling, I started looking beyond negativity, I didn't do it alone, I have a beautiful person, a generous person, the most worth of everything kind of person, that since I met him, he saw in me what I never have see even today he can somehow see what I never see in myself. Till this day I don't know what I did to deserve his love, but I'm so grateful of that, he is my angel, my love, he is my Life, without him I couldn't life my life, I don't even know how to life without him, he surprises me everyday, we makes me smile everyday even if we argue in that day we gonna laught after all, we try to not beeing angry for a long time. He teach's me so much things about me that I don't even know.
Without him I couldn't be what I am today, it is beacuse of his support that I didn't give up on me, it's because of his love that I feel alive and grateful everyday of my life. 
My creativity has improved a little bit, I started to see beauty again, my word flows more.
I still have bad days, still have bad moments, but I try, really try not to live my life around them, I don't want to sink me all over again.

So this is it, for now.

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