Monday, July 31, 2017

It is summer!

This is the time of the year when I feel more connected with everything, I feel more creative and my being is more fluid. This year though, I don't feel it quite much, I'm in a transition phase in my life and my professional life isn't settled yet, so with no stability in that area I don't feel stable in anything, my mind runs away completely from my artistic self to my "problems". 
This half year has been a little rough in terms of finding a new job, staying motivated, enjoying my life, everything that I taught myself in 2016 has been quite lost.
This is how I work, in 2016 I reached a point in my life that I felt quite stable although I knew that stability was "false" because it had a fixed end.
In 2016 I learned that what I need is stability in my life in order to feel happy, to feel connected with my surroundings because without big worries I can enjoy my personal life, grow and evolve.
Of course, problems will always exist, no one's life is perfect, but there are problems and problems and some problems are not so important.
With that said and hoping that this makes some sense, this might be the start of a new journey in a new professional place. It's not quite what I wanted but I'm getting closer.
At least I will earn a little more money and possibly I can be more stable in my personal life, I can save some money for the things that I really want, and then possibly that helps me to have more material to start creating more with more quality.

Photo by Fernando Reyes on Unsplash

Friday, July 28, 2017

Toxic people and how to not let them affect your HAPPINESS

Photo by SHTTEFAN on Unsplash

In a perfect world, everyone would get along, would be respectful, would be kind.

We don't live in a perfect world and with 25 years of experiences in this life, I've learned that we weren't born to please everyone, of course, and some people can be disrespectful and mean, just for the sake of it, some people are just toxic.
Some have themselves a shitty life and the only moment they feel happiness and pleasure are those moments on a day that they try to make others feel like them or worst than them.
When you are a peaceful, kind person just trying to live your life, and reached a peaceful inner state of mind, where you don't want any drama, you simply don't want to deal with those people.
You aren't trying to hurt anybody, you try your best to do your best, to be your best.

Unfortanly people like this will appear in your life and you will have to deal with them, you can try to give the benefit of doubt in one day or two when this happens, but trust your instincts, if you really feel that someone isn't a good person don't try to fix them, don't even bother to get along.
You have to know what is best for you, and if you know that one person is a negative person or feel like it's a toxic person that probably will hurt you, get a step back, that person doesn't deserve you, doesn't deserve your kindness, your time, your spirit peace.

You might think that is your fault because they will make you think that way, that is you that make all the mistakes, that is you that is not enough, that you are too young to understand anything.
Don't let those people affect your inner balance, question your balance, your worth.
Like I said, usually, people that try to make others feel bad for the simple things, or make others feel like they don't do enough or are not worthy, people that are always judging others, have a shitty life, all they feel is frustration about their lives, they already accommodated to a certain type of life that doesn't make them happy, they feel insecure about themselves. That's why they feel the need to judge other, criticize others, at the end of the day they are not truly happy.

But be aware, most of this people try to appear like they are great persons with all the knowledge about everything, they seem to carry you in their hearts, they act like they are protecting you from something, but at the first opportunity they have they will make  something to harm you, that's when their mask falls out.
It can be difficult at first to stand for yourself, it can be hard to defend yourself, it might be hard to go away from those people, but if you feel that relationship isn't working, that is affecting your inner peace or is making you unhappy, step way, find people that really matter, that fit you, that what you take out of that relationship is happiness, that you feel good around those people.

You have the choice to be happy, you have the right to pursue your happiness and what people you want with you in this journey called life.
Be kind, stand for yourself and your happiness!

Photo by SHTTEFAN on Unsplash

Wednesday, July 26, 2017

I am ME!

Will I ever find my true self?
Will I ever glue the remain broken pieces and became a whole?
In the end of the day who am I?
Did I ever felt like myself, comfortable in my own skin in these past 25 years of life? 
Yes, for a tiny amount of time and I almost reached a point of true self-confidence.
Then I failed myself, I was too dreamy, too utopic for living in the real world, and the "real" world gave me a slap in the face.
Wake up little girl, is time to grow!
I found myself trying to please everyone, losing myself with fear of failing again.
I locked the dreamy girl in darkness surrounded by voices telling her, she wasn't pretty enough, she wasn't good enough, you have no passion in life, you don't deserve the person that you love the most.
She believed it, and darkness, tears, anger, turned into her house, she never thought she could possibly get out of that.
So, I focused on my job, my job was the only thing that I was because I needed so much to conquer something out of this job. 
When the company closed doors, I felt so lost, who am I now? 
I've learned that everything happens for a reason, so maybe this was a good thing. If I  still was working in there I never had the chance to live new experiences.
Day after day I started to wake up, question who I was. 
Did I wanted to live in a dark place the rest of my life, crying on a daily basis, not being able to see the beauty the world was offering to me, the good things I've conquered so far, the fact that yes, I've failed but I never gave up, I made mistakes but I've learned with them.
Did I want to live my life blind, unhappy, while I had so much to be happy for?
I guess when you live your life believing that sadness is the normal way you get addicted to it, it gets comfortable, it's hard to get out of it.
2016 wasn't a bad year, was a year of lessons, reborn, awakening.
This year 2017, with high and low points, I'm trying to not lose my focus, I'm trying to not go back to my comfortable side. I'm trying to fight so hard because I don't want to get back, I want to conquer something, to reach my goals, to still grow this little girl out, she isn't locked away anymore, she a part of me, always will be.
I'm still finding myself, I don't like to label myself because I am just ME!
A girl in constant moving, in constant evolution, but some things, despite all the changes, remain the same that's the basis of who I am, that's the part I got to know about myself, the rest I'm still learning, I'm still growing roots, probably in the next 25 years old I will figure out much more about myself, I will change more, I will learn more, and probably I will never be a whole, but I will never leave being me!

Friday, July 7, 2017

How long do you take to grow up/mature?

So, lately, I'm wondering a lot about this and I've been doing this question to myself a lot, maybe because I realized that I've finally reached another level in my growing process.
Now that I know what I really want to do with my life, I've been doing the steps to get what I want and I don't wonder as much as I did in past.
Off curse sometimes I feel lost or stuck along the way but is not so much as I don't know who am I or where do I belong, is more like what I can do to reach my goals in life, what I can do to overcome the obstacles.

With that said, did I finally get enough maturity?
I can say that yes, it took me 25 years to finally settle myself and not wonder so much about what I want in life, who am I or where do I belong.
When things go hard in my life I just don't give up so easily, because now I've gained a lot of tools to make things right or at least now I try.
Now I think about the consequences of my actions, I just don't go like: oh! fuck it, I'll think about it later!
First I think about it, over and over again, should I do this, is this better for me, can I lose something if I go this way, will I gain something with it, because you learn with your mistakes along the way, right? I did this mistake in my past, I would do things first and then I would think about the consequences and basically, I've hit rock bottom, so now that I've achieved so much in my life, obviously, I don't want to lose it, now I really care about my life and I have both feet firmly planted on the ground.
Of course, this doesn't mean that I can't dream a bit and imagine things in a different way, but nowadays I set my dreams more like realistic goals, like for example getting a better job, a full-time job, or save money to get a better house or at least to pay the bills and food. 
These are my priorities right now, to reach realistic goals instead of trying to live in a perfect world that only exists in my own head. 

Off course I will continue to mature and realize a lot of things that I don't right know, but for now, I'm very happy with how much I evolved in this fucking journey called life, and yes I've needed some help along the way I didn't learn every single thing on my own, but I didn't have anyone trying to control me or forcing me to be in a certain way or do a certain thing, that doesn't really work with me, I don't like being controlled or told to do things, instead, I had someone giving me advice, letting me doing my mistakes and learn with them, because when you trying to figure it out who the fuck are you or what's your fucking purpose of being here, it's very normal that you'll make some mistakes.
I had someone that gave me that time but always helping me. 
I changed from being like, I can't care less too, ok I really care, because I was forced to do it or I would never leave the bottom, the problem was and now what? How do I deal with this "adult" me?

For a long time, I just fight against myself and probably with everyone around me. 
When finally I started to accept my new me and that what I needed in order to live and be happy was a stable life, I started to accept my responsibilities and know what I had to make in order to be stable.
That relies on having a job, to make money and be able of having a house, food and pay my bills, those are my responsibilities, the rest is a bonus, going shopping, going on vacations, going to the beach.Because without money I can't do those things.
But the past me didn't think this way and well...

So, to me, it took 24/25 years to be quite stable in life, and know what path to choose, it's not perfect yet but I'm going to a good direction so, I can say that I'm happy about it.

Saturday, July 1, 2017

Hello, how are you?
So, a week ago I decided that I would do something with all of my free time in the afternoons. So I decided to create a youtube channel.
Right now I don't really know what path my channel will make or exactly what I will post about, since is a very fresh project in my life but, it's an idea that I always had in my mind.
Maybe I can use it to express my creativity and have fun, that's my main idea while I decided to finally create my youtube channel.
So, right now this is the only way that I can announce my channel, because my phone is broken and I don't have access to my instagram account.
My hopes are that soon I will be able to buy another phone and maybe a better one and can spread the word about my youtube channel.
Note that my english isn't perfect still, even talking but I'm trying very hard to improve that.
One kind of the videos that I want to make is like what  I make in this blog, wich is spreading positivity, and self-love, how to deal with problems, my experiences etc, but first I need to feel more confortable with speaking, and calm my nerves and shyness.
For me was always easier to write, even in my main language, than talking, I always think that I express myself better when I write than when I talk, but that is a thing that I aim to change.
Therefore, I hope to grow once more and be more confortable in my skin and hope you guys who reads my blog can help me out in this new journey.
I think I still have so much to say while I'm still learning how to live and while I grow and evolve. I still have so much energy inside me and so many ideas in my mind, that I have to put them out there.
So, thank you, who reads my blog and I hope to see you in my verryyy fresh and new YOUTUBE CHANNEL.

Link to my YOUTUBE Channel:

Love and Light