Never get stuck!

You can't always be happy, pain exists, sadness exists in this life, it's supposed to, makes you stronger, makes you wiser, you gain defenses in your mind, soul, essence, you have to figure how to live through the pain, the bad things, the sadness.
Strenght is when you know that you have problems but you wake up every day with a smile and you think, let's make a new day in our journey, let's continue to figure out things, let's find solutions to change whatever is making me sad, to change the path that I'm following, let's fight another day and make it awesome, grateful for the good things that we still have in our lives besides the bad ones or the problems we need to solve.

Appreciate the sadness in order to evolve!

It's like when you're a child and you're overprotected, you don't play outside, you don't get dirty, you don't play with earth, you don't do anything that may "hurt" you, the first time you get a flu you're body don't have defenses, doesn't know how to deal with the strange corps that is infecting your body. Pain, sadness, hard things to get through, they are the strange corps infecting your mind, your heart, your soul, your essence, if you have a easy life, overprotected, all given to you, the first time you are on your own, you have to obtain things by yourself, you have to get through hard situations, hard decisions, through pain and sadness, your mind doesn't know how to because you had never been prepared to deal with it.
You will want to run away to your safe zone, to your comfort.

That happened to me, even today I'm afraid of changes, I'm afraid of pain and fight, in the most traumatic moment of my life everything changed and I wasn't ready, although my life wasn't the easiest one and I had learned to fight, in that moment everything was ok, I didn't had big worries, I was fine and I though I had everything figure it out.
But life wanted to show me another lesson, I still had much to learn and evolve (I still have tho) and I wasn't ready for that, I had no defenses to that, to changes, to really be by myself and do the right decisions and really fight for my path, be an adult, because I was only 16  years old.
So,errr, I didn't have responsability, I did bad choices, I've fall, but I didn't blamed myself for the mistakes I've made, that was my biggest mistake. It was my fault, I didn't want to fight, I didn't want to have to work, I wanted the utopia created in my head.
I wanted no responsabilities, and life teached me, without responsability you can't be happy, you can't go to places, you can't have stability, you can't have food, money, a home.
You are responsible to create your own path, you are responsible for your actions and your decisions, not everyone else, no one have the obligation to take care of yourself if you don't want to. You have to do it for yourself.
You have to have the guts to fight, because this life isn't easy by herself, don't make it harder.

So, yes, even today I'm afraid of changes, challenges, pain. 
I'm afraid of being alone, because my brain sometimes still thinks that I need someone to take care of me, sure everyone needs someone that takes time to give us love, kind words, and advices as we need to do the same, but as I said no one have to be responsible for your decisions, actions, choices, no one have to take the responsability that you don't want. And sometimes my brain is 5 years old and just doesn't function as an adult,errr.
I'm afraid of changes because I'm afraid of challenges, I have to put myself out there and get out of my confort zone, that happens mostly when I have to go to a new work, I don't like the confrontation of being something new to me, new people, new tasks, being such a shy person, it freaks me out.

But as time goes by and I get older and evolve I realize it gets easier to put me on those situations and fight my fears and proceed, I just know that it is something it has to be done, I can't avoid work just because I don't like people or I can't avoid work just because I don't feel like working today. No, it's my responsability to go, to do my best and almost not acknowledge the obstacles, in the end of the day, I must be proud of myself and not take care of others thoughts and opinions about me, because I am trying to make a living, I am trying to create my path, I am teaching myself and evolving, and most of those people who take their time to criticize you they are stuck in a blind state of mind, they don't know better.
So why should I take my time, the time that I need to create myself, my path, my life, and care about those opinions from people that think they know me just because I say a few words and work with them. No!
Those people have a purpose to your life, teach you that the best we keep for ourselves, we have to show just a tiny part of what we are entirely, don't give them even the chance to ruined what you've been creating inside of you, they don't know you!

I'm afraid of pain, because pain hurts obviously, not physical pain (although that scares me to) but psychological pain, my biggest fear is to lose the ones that I love, my family, human and animal ones.
But death is part of life, we can't carry this body over and over till forever, we must proceed to another state.
But still, is hard to me to accept this one, because I've experienced that pain, and it is a task I need to work on, although I don't think a lot about it.
And maybe that's the main problem, I don't accept it because I avoid to deal with it.

Anyway, it must exist balance in everything, happiness and sadness, good and bad moments, in order to our strenght grows, in order to our soul steps up on another level, to evolution occur.
Educate yourself, learn your lessons in the bad but also in the good moments, apreciate all your challenges, and never but never let yourself get stuck, always find a way to continue.

No matter what, don't give up!

The human being has strengths that even him doesn't know he have.
Bad things happen all the time in our lives or for a reason or another we feel tired.
Our mind starts to feel weak, our body wants to shut down.
In these moments we feel desperate, anxious, with fear, nothing seems to work out the way we need.
It is in these moments that we must be strong, we must fight the tiredness, we must go on no matter what. Sure, it is important to rest, to take time to treat ourselfs, we are not machines and even them need some maintenance and sometimes need to be repaired.
The point is we should not give up on things, just because 
we are tired or it's to hard to do. 
Nothing is impossible to do if we put our minds in to it, if it's hard, push harder, in the end you will be stronger, you've learned a new skill, you climbed one level up.
Life is like a game,if we give up, all the effort that we've made till now will fall apart and that's a terrible thing to happen.
All of this is a lesson for me to, I'm tired, working 14 days without a day off is a mental challenge, my brain shuts down sometimes, but I wont give up, hopefully tomorrow it's the last day before my so needed day off.
It has been the longests 14 days ever, so many times I wanted to break and say, this is not for me, I can't handle it, I can't go to work because my body hurts, I want to stay home sleeping. But I don't want to feel guilty because of doing that, I've reached so many years ago, a new level of responsability that even tired and hurt I prefer to go to work than simply don't go. 
I guess I've learned how to adulting, eh eh!
What I can do is try to rest when I have the time, treat myself, eat better, hydrate myself and fight, put my mind in to it, teach myself that if it is hard I will be stronger and finally that I can do it.
It's the only way that dreams come true, you don't expect that they just happen, you have to work.
So, keep the hard work, keep pushing because one day, the tree will give you fruits.

New job and sun!

After two days, maybe three, of sun and the entire month of february without writing, today I felt like I needed to do it. In January I wrote a lot and then my brain blocked.
Life happened! In a brutal way again. So, I did a break, of being me, being strong although I dealed with strenght I guess. I was strong but I kinda blocked the emotions. I just went through it, later on I felt fragile but still blocking.
So, February I didn't do much and didn't write anything, I couldn't do it. I couldn't preach about how to make things feel better or how to enjoy life, make our days better if I didn't feel it, if I wasn't in shape. 
I write to organize my thoughts, to let things go out of me, to remember what I need to do, to teach myself, and to those of you who want to read.
But mostly I write because I feel the necessity of it and I know my English isn't perfect and this may afect my writing, but I'm trying to improve, I love to write in English although isn't my mother language.

Better news, I started a new job! A real one, ahah!

I'm no longer an unemployed person uhuh! I'ts a part-time job, cleaning Primark!
I let so many times my resume on that store to actually work with them, but I ended working for a cleaning company that works for Primark. I guess we can't have everything.
It doesn't mind that is part-time for now because it's a transition job until I can back to the kindergarten. And when that time comes I still want to work in this job on the weekends if possible.
It's just three hours a day so... I think I can handle it.
I'm very happy about it, I'm happy for having a job, the part that I have to wake up every morning at 5 a.m. not so much but I'm trying to not complain and adjust my brain that it is ok, I can do it, I already did it in my previous "real job" and it was a full time job, 8 hours a day, some days 9, so with 3 hours I must handle it.
For an entire year I started my job at 11 a.m. and finished at 7 p.m so my brain was used to that and now it is lazy.
I'm trying to  not get involved at any drama occur in that place, because honestly I just want to do my job the best way I can and come home. I don't want lose any mental stability that I've gained. It was hard to achieve my inner peace and I'm still struggling so I want to stay away of drama and problems. But it isn't easy because people being people, at any place that I go to work shit happens.
I just hope that doesn't envolve me ahah!

And for now I still have plenty of time in the rest of the day to do my things, to clean my house, to read, to write, to enjoy my free time. Life currently feels good, spring is coming, sunny hot days appear, yesterday was a very hot one, sun was bright, I was able to dry all my laundry outside, amazing!
Today is a rainy day with a grey sky, this is nature playing with us, first, yes you may feel like is a good day to keep away all your warm clothes and maybe go for a walk on the beach because tomorrow you will want to stay in bed with a warm blanket!
It's confusing!
But I'm glad, feeling the sun while I went home was very pleasant, although I was in zombie mood and warm as fuck with my wool sweater.
So, yeah I hope sunny days come really fast and frequently because I feel so much better when the sun shines!
Bye, be happy!

In my experience, people older than me, at least the ones I've worked with, think that just because we are young our lives are easy, maybe because many of young people in this generation live in their parents house and some may still study and take life in a more relaxed way.
This is generalize, for many of us, life isn't that easy as we struggle with the lack of work and not being able to have a better future, many of us want to get out of our parents house and make our living, be able to have a house, build ourselfs a future.
Many of us doesn't have parents that can help so many of us 
started to work when still were very young.
So, my point in this, just because we are young it doesn't mean we have a easier life than many older people, maybe we are just so tired like them, maybe our body hurts just like theirs. Maybe we experienced some terrible things in life, and still fight and put a smile every morning, because life doesn't stop running!
Maybe we wake up just as tired and still go to work every day, not because we want but we need it, other way we just can't make a future.
Yes, older people has fighted and worked their entire lifes, but many of young, in theirs twentys started to work a long time ago.
We are not little kids, we have as many responsabilities as older people, so if your are older, be kind, we don't know everything, we are young, but we struggle as much as you did or do, we are learning and growing but so are you! Till the moment we die, we are still learning, every day!

I found myself today putting some calm music and start to do some Yoga to stretch my muscles. 
It is a rainy day and while the rain was falling I've started to meditate.
It felt very good, I started to feel calm and very relaxed.
Nothing else around me mattered, my mind started to focus and one thing that came to me was, everything depends on me.
What I want to achieve, what I have to do, the power is in me.
Depends on me if I'm strong enough to get through the obstacles, depends on me if I'm gonna get stressed out about things.
I have the power and the strenght to change my life, to make my path, to be happy. No one else can do it for me, I have to lead myself, my mind and my body.
I have to take care of myself, be strong and choose to be happy and then be able to take care of others.
 It may seem some how selfish, but how can we take care of the ones we love if we aren't in our best shape or if we don't care about ourselfs.
Even if we live a life together, each one of us have our own battles along the day.
No one can live what I have to live, independently, through my day.
Today I've learned something new, maybe I already knew it but my mind reinforced the idea.
Everything is falling in place again and soon enough I'm going to start working again. It's temporary, just until I'm able to be back to the kindergarden and work with my loved children.
I went visiting them on Wednesday, and felt the love and how they had missed me, just how I've missed them, I almost cried in front of them. I want to go back so much.
I've to be patient. I have to learn to be more patient.
Rain doesn't stop falling and I'm gonna enjoy my day reading and drawing maybe.
Be happy!

Why don't we change the world?

Once upon a time there was a little girl living in a small city wishing to do more.
Her biggest wish was to go, seek for new adventures and save everything that needed to be saved, change everything that needed to be changed.
The little girl grew up carrying that wish in her heart, she wanted to do good.
Life happened, and the little girl's world fell apart and she needed to be saved, her world needed to change, and her needed to change.
So she did, and for sometime her heart turn a little bit darker than she wanted.
The question came to her mind, Am I a bad person now? I 
can't change or save everything if I can't do that for myself. How can I think about others when I don't care about myself.
For a while she grow in darkness, her mind, her heart had changed. She didn't turn in a bad person but she was growing stronger, to be able to protect herself from all the evil around her, she closed herself.
One day, the chains were broken, the walls fell apart and she started to see, step by step the sun shinining in her face, feeling the warm going inside of her.
As she loved herself more and her little world was staying in place, she had a realization.
It was an illusion, to want to save the entire world, to change everything, she was no super hero.

She realized that people could be really mean, or really good, but in fact people can be both. She was both, when she needed to step up for herself sometimes she could be very bad, but most of the time she chose to be a good person, but not a blind one.
She started to pass her love, her joy, her kindness to the ones who needed, the ones that could change the world one day, the ones that aparently have no future.
That's her way of making a better world, because alone she almost lost herself to a dream, a wish.
She saved many little worlds everyday, with LOVE. Maybe love isn't enought, maybe kindness isn't enought, but they are the only weapons that she have, to fight.
So why don't we change the world? Why don't we start with little worlds? With our inner world?
Because sometimes our world needs to be changed too.
By making small things we can do huge difference, maybe if we safe enough small worlds by sharing and loving and teach,we can save the big one!

Happiness

The definition of happiness is subjective. The way that I aspire to be happy may not be the same of others,because we all have our own path to follow.
In the present day I achieve many things that I wanted and needed to be happy, so I can say that I'm more happy than when I was younger.
Simply because I knew that I wanted to be happy but not how, looking back I was lost, a lot.
 I thought that the way I was living was happiness, freedom and didn't want to listen to anybody. In fact I was learning on my own for the first time, and I'm glad that I passed by all the bad things, and to have the opportunity to fail and learn on my own, because I never did that, I always did the right thing, I was the good girl, and starting being an adult by yourself can be harder than we think, or not, I guess it depends on the person. 
To me it was a sense of freedom, to do things on my own, in fact, I didn't knew anything about how to adult.
And I was discovering an whole new world around me without any backup.
I had friends trying to help me, and trying to talk to me, but I simply didn't want to listen, because it was my life and I wanted to explore and do things my way.
I didn't knew I could balance two worlds, the responsability and the fun and freedom.
I should had listen to them? Yes! Everything would have turn easier , but I'm the kind of person who likes to do her way first and see what happens, not so much anymore, because I've learned to think before acting.
Anyway, somethings I wish I could change, but all the process made me grow and at least try to not make the same mistakes again.
Life it is a learning process, and the mistakes and the victories are part of that process, that's the way you grow.
Back in those days I didn't knew that balance could be a way of being happy, stability could be a way of being happy.
And I'm happy now, I feel happiness, most of my days I feel joy inside of me, I realized I have now all the things I wished for on my 15s. I have a home, I'm loved and my professional life is going for better. I don't have a lot of money, my job it's not going to pay me a lot, but it's a job that I like for the first time, I can't say it's my dream job but it gets closer to that, and I get this job probably I don't have to search for a job anymore in my life. Stability!
I don't want much in my life, I don't aspire to be the most rich person and have expensive things inside my house just for the sake of it.
Yes, I appreciate good and quality things or food, I would like to have a little more money to spend, and financial freedom to travel more and go on vacations, but sometimes it's better to achieve small goals in life.
For me it's a big victorie to final realize what I want to be in my professional career and achieve my inner balance and stability in life.
It took me 25 years to realize what I really want to be and not feeling lost, I have a purpose to follow, one that it's possible to achieve, for the first time in my life I have loved my job and I never wanted to go back as much as now, it could be tomorrow, I would glad say yes, forever!
I never wanted to stay in the same job for all my life, because I never liked any at that point.
For many happiness may be to become rich, or have a big house or top car, for some happiness have another definition, may not be attached to material things and be found in the small things in life, to live the small things that life has to offer, may be to find balance, and inner peace, to achieve small goals that lead to great things.
Happiness may be to fight fears and step out of our confort zone.
It is up to each of us to define the concept of happiness.
So, just find your way and be happy!

Dreams and Goals

We tend to be afraid of changing, to start something new or pursuit a new path in life can be terrifying for some of us. Although that it's ok, we will never know what's gonna happen next, how this new path is going to work out, but we shouldn't live our lifes, day by day, worrying so much how the future going to be, we shouldn't stress so much to a point that we stay nervous and anxious for an entire day, not focusing in anything else, not focusing in what we have now, what we are living now!

Sure, it's ok to think about the future, it's ok to have goals and dreams to achieve, that's something that matter to us, that makes us go foward in life, to want more, to want to live in a certain way, to have that kind of job, to have a bigger house or better things, more time for us, in the end, I truly believe that all of us pursuit to live a life that make us confortable and happy, to have a good life, and what means good for me doesn't have to aplly for other people, everyone has is own way of living or their own path to make themselfs happy and confortable in their own shoes.
But living in worrying all the time isn't healthy, and life passes by you without you even know, maybe you'll achieve your goal in one week, maybe a month or maybe it's going to be a long time before you achieve what you want.
Don't waste your time trying to rush things out, what have to happen will happen.
Stay focus on your present while thinking about the future.


               Be Happy!

Tattoos

A story painted in our body

I always been interested in tattoos and body modifications since I was a little girl.
In times before tattoos weren't as popular as they do now in the present days.
In my home town it wasn't very popular to see tattooed or pierced people walking on the streets, but on a beautiful day I went to buy some craft stuff because I used to do some craft things and I met a beautiful girl with tattoos and her lips pierced. I was staring at her and she went, Hi! 
I used to don't be afraid to talk to people and we started a conversation about tattoos and body modification, it wasn't a very long conversation, I think, but I still remember asking if it hurted, and she responses like if we really like it and you really want to do it, the pain is worth.
I left the store thinking, I want to be like that girl when I grow up. Haha!
I was 12 years old back then, and I did my first piercing at 16 years old. I still have the hole and sometimes I put the piercing for fun. I was 18 years old when I did my first and only tattoo in my wrist. In the age of 19 years old I started to stretch my ear lobes to the point they are today, 14mm.
I want to stretch them more but I'm not really sure what size I want to stop, and I surely want to do more tattoos, I crave for them, I wish I had the money available to start doing more.
Since I don't but I'm into that subject a lot, why do not learn a little bit more about tattoos.

• To be inspired by other person's tattoos it's ok but to steal other's customized custom designed tattoos from other people is wrong.

• It was illegal to get a tattoo in New York city between 1961 and 1997.

• In Massachusetts, tattooing was illegal all the way up until 2000.

• Tattoos have been part of the human experience since the Stone Age.

• Fifty years ago, tattoos were the watermark of rebels and social outcasts.

• Your tattoo ages with you.

• Depending on the size and variation of colors in the tattoo, your skin can be pierced between 50 and 3,000 times per minute.

• Your tattoo experience will vary according to the location and tattoo artist that you choose.

• Pain experience while receiving a tattoo depends on the individual.
  

• Receiving a tattoo has been described as simmilar to getting stung by a bee or getting a sunburn.

• The Latin word for tattoo is stigma.

• Urine mixed with coal dust was used as tattoo color.

• The existing tattoo designs displayed in a tattoo shop are known as"flash".

• UV tattoos are created with ink that is completely invisible in normal daylight  but glows brightly under ultraviolet light.

• In the U.S. are more tattooed woman than men (23% vs 19%) according to a 2012 survey.

• The first professional tattoo artist in the U.S. was a german immigrant, Martin Hildebrandt, who arrived in Boston in 1846.

• A tattoo machine has four parts: 1.the needle; 2.the tube that holds the ink; 3.an electric motor and 4.a foot pedal to control the movement.

• The man who invented tattoo machines in 1891 was a New Yorker tattoo artist named Samuel O'Reilly. He based his design on the autographic printer, anengraving machine  invented by Thomas Edison.

• Tattoo is one of the most misspelled words in the English language.

• The word tattoo derives from the Polynesian word "ta", which describes the sound of tattooing spike being hit against skin.

• "Holiday" is the name given to the area where the color of the tattoo has faded.

• A tattoo is etched in the second layer of the skin, the dermis.

• The most popular tattoo images are angels and hearts.

• Sailors used to get King Neptune and sea turtle tattoos to express they've sailed across the Equator.

• The title for the most famous of all criminal tattoos goes to the Japonese Mafia, the Yakuza. It's members wear intricate and traditional designs in a full-body suit that can be hidden entirely from view with clothes, as a sign of their commitment to the gang.

• For the Ainu women in Japan, tattoos of giant-sized lipson their faces were customary. Lip tattoing was seen as a mark of maturity and believed to repel evil spirits.

• The longest tattoo session ever, lasted a grand total of 50 hours and 10 minutes.

• The most tattooed man in the world is Gregory Paul Mclaren, also known as Lucky Diamond Rich.

• The richest tattoo artist in the world, Scott Campbell, charges 1000 dollars per hour and only works on the weekends.

• Until the 1970s "nice girls" had to have marriage licenses and be accompanied by their husband to get a tattoo.

• While filming "xXx", actor Vin Diesel had a fake tattoo in his stomach, the name Melkor. It was revealed that it was the name of Diesel's character on a game of which he was a big fan, Dangeons & Dragons.

• Queen Kamamalu of Hawaii was the first person ever to get a tongue tattoo and she did so out of grief when her mother died in the 1820s.

• 32% of people with tattoos claim they're "addicted" to ink.

• Tribal tattoos are the most common design requests.

• Archaeologists have discovered tools in France, Portugal and Scandinavia that were probably used for tattooing. These are at least twelve thousand years old or from the time of the last Ice Age.

Minimalism

A tool to improve my life

Well, I'm still learning a lot about minimalism and training my mind to be a minimalist, sometimes I still want to buy things just for the sake of it, maybe it's cheap or I'm on bad mood and I want to feel the rush of having something new.
In these moments I do have to ask myself, these thing is goig to bring more happiness in a long term to my life? Are you buying this because it is the cheap version of what you really want but you can't afford it right now? 
And I usually leave the store with empty hands. I rather wait and save money to buy what I really want and buy quality things, that I know will last more and make me happy and add value in a long term. Having a budget really helps to me in way to pursuit this way of living and don't waste any money of course.
What minimalism has teached me it is that my number of possessions doesn't matter, I don't have to live with less than 100 things to be a minimalist, I don't have to have a white house with no patterns or empty walls, that's not the point of it.
I've learn to simplify, to live lightly and live in an uncluttered environment, buying pratical and really usefull things.
I used to be part of the consumerist mind set, I used to love when people gave me things, but I came to a point in my life where I prefer a fresh, organized home, because things doesn't make me who I am, my number of possessions doesn't define me as a person, most of the things that I used to have didn't make happy, they were only things.
Minimalism is a tool that help me to focus in what really give my life meaning, help me reassess my priorities and get rid of the excess of material possessions that don't improve my life in any aspect.
What matter to me is to live a happy life, with love and joy, living the moments, the little moments that I will remember forever.