Wednesday, July 26, 2017

I am ME!

Will I ever find my true self?
Will I ever glue the remain broken pieces and became a whole?
In the end of the day who am I?
Did I ever felt like myself, comfortable in my own skin in these past 25 years of life? 
Yes, for a tiny amount of time and I almost reached a point of true self-confidence.
Then I failed myself, I was too dreamy, too utopic for living in the real world, and the "real" world gave me a slap in the face.
Wake up little girl, is time to grow!
I found myself trying to please everyone, losing myself with fear of failing again.
I locked the dreamy girl in darkness surrounded by voices telling her, she wasn't pretty enough, she wasn't good enough, you have no passion in life, you don't deserve the person that you love the most.
She believed it, and darkness, tears, anger, turned into her house, she never thought she could possibly get out of that.
So, I focused on my job, my job was the only thing that I was because I needed so much to conquer something out of this job. 
When the company closed doors, I felt so lost, who am I now? 
I've learned that everything happens for a reason, so maybe this was a good thing. If I  still was working in there I never had the chance to live new experiences.
Day after day I started to wake up, question who I was. 
Did I wanted to live in a dark place the rest of my life, crying on a daily basis, not being able to see the beauty the world was offering to me, the good things I've conquered so far, the fact that yes, I've failed but I never gave up, I made mistakes but I've learned with them.
Did I want to live my life blind, unhappy, while I had so much to be happy for?
I guess when you live your life believing that sadness is the normal way you get addicted to it, it gets comfortable, it's hard to get out of it.
2016 wasn't a bad year, was a year of lessons, reborn, awakening.
This year 2017, with high and low points, I'm trying to not lose my focus, I'm trying to not go back to my comfortable side. I'm trying to fight so hard because I don't want to get back, I want to conquer something, to reach my goals, to still grow this little girl out, she isn't locked away anymore, she a part of me, always will be.
I'm still finding myself, I don't like to label myself because I am just ME!
A girl in constant moving, in constant evolution, but some things, despite all the changes, remain the same that's the basis of who I am, that's the part I got to know about myself, the rest I'm still learning, I'm still growing roots, probably in the next 25 years old I will figure out much more about myself, I will change more, I will learn more, and probably I will never be a whole, but I will never leave being me!

No comments: