Friday, July 7, 2017

How long do you take to grow up/mature?

So, lately, I'm wondering a lot about this and I've been doing this question to myself a lot, maybe because I realized that I've finally reached another level in my growing process.
Now that I know what I really want to do with my life, I've been doing the steps to get what I want and I don't wonder as much as I did in past.
Off curse sometimes I feel lost or stuck along the way but is not so much as I don't know who am I or where do I belong, is more like what I can do to reach my goals in life, what I can do to overcome the obstacles.

With that said, did I finally get enough maturity?
I can say that yes, it took me 25 years to finally settle myself and not wonder so much about what I want in life, who am I or where do I belong.
When things go hard in my life I just don't give up so easily, because now I've gained a lot of tools to make things right or at least now I try.
Now I think about the consequences of my actions, I just don't go like: oh! fuck it, I'll think about it later!
First I think about it, over and over again, should I do this, is this better for me, can I lose something if I go this way, will I gain something with it, because you learn with your mistakes along the way, right? I did this mistake in my past, I would do things first and then I would think about the consequences and basically, I've hit rock bottom, so now that I've achieved so much in my life, obviously, I don't want to lose it, now I really care about my life and I have both feet firmly planted on the ground.
Of course, this doesn't mean that I can't dream a bit and imagine things in a different way, but nowadays I set my dreams more like realistic goals, like for example getting a better job, a full-time job, or save money to get a better house or at least to pay the bills and food. 
These are my priorities right now, to reach realistic goals instead of trying to live in a perfect world that only exists in my own head. 

Off course I will continue to mature and realize a lot of things that I don't right know, but for now, I'm very happy with how much I evolved in this fucking journey called life, and yes I've needed some help along the way I didn't learn every single thing on my own, but I didn't have anyone trying to control me or forcing me to be in a certain way or do a certain thing, that doesn't really work with me, I don't like being controlled or told to do things, instead, I had someone giving me advice, letting me doing my mistakes and learn with them, because when you trying to figure it out who the fuck are you or what's your fucking purpose of being here, it's very normal that you'll make some mistakes.
I had someone that gave me that time but always helping me. 
I changed from being like, I can't care less too, ok I really care, because I was forced to do it or I would never leave the bottom, the problem was and now what? How do I deal with this "adult" me?

For a long time, I just fight against myself and probably with everyone around me. 
When finally I started to accept my new me and that what I needed in order to live and be happy was a stable life, I started to accept my responsibilities and know what I had to make in order to be stable.
That relies on having a job, to make money and be able of having a house, food and pay my bills, those are my responsibilities, the rest is a bonus, going shopping, going on vacations, going to the beach.Because without money I can't do those things.
But the past me didn't think this way and well...

So, to me, it took 24/25 years to be quite stable in life, and know what path to choose, it's not perfect yet but I'm going to a good direction so, I can say that I'm happy about it.

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