Just live!

Today I wake up very tired, and all I wanted to do was crying.
Why?
Because... I know but also I don't know.
I'm too scared, it's the main feeling that I have, fear.
I feel that I'm getting old, and my profession life isn't going the way I want.
It never did in fact.
I always had jobs that I didn't like for one reason or another just to provide money.
As an adult I know, and already said in here,money simple don't fall from trees,I have to work to provide money for food and stuff.
But what I feel is, I'm not good enough in one thing to persuit the way and keep it. 

I'm just not good enough. I can't fight for a specific job,I know how to adapt because I have to, and sometimes I really reallyyy don't like what I do for work but I have to accept to do it anyway.
But in meantime I keep feeling empty,unhappy and lost.
And more and more stressed.
I deserve to be happy doing what makes me happy. 

Everybody should feel that way.

But first I don't have time because I'm working,second when I have time,I can't afford it. Or time is taken away from me to go work again, who knows where,because I'm not going to be able to choose it.

So I feel more and more disconnected with myself.
I feel angry,I feel sadness.
It feels like I will never be able to finally do what I want with my life,to control my way of living,to enjoy life, well when I still can.

So I just keep living!

Surviving!

And simply following the rules to not lose anything but, what if in the end I just lose myself completly?